Craig Harris... an amazing man

so, today i randomly text my friend Mike (when i should have been doing an major essay due tues) to ask what hes up to, i end up going to a sunday night service at CLA where my first youth pastor was leading worship! i walked in and was like (in my head) is that Craig? no? yah? no? weird... haha then Mike looks up and is like "hey! thats Craig!" so it was amazing, after the service we tracked him down and went out to mcdonalds and hung out it was amazing.

Craig Harris is a huge part of the reason im here today, he was the first person to really pour into my life, to be that Godly big brother,to pray with and for me, to give Godly wisdom (altho, much to my stupidity i didnt follow it much) to just love me where i was at, and to listen time and time again as i struggled with the same issues.
many amazing people have come in and out of my life who have loved me and poured their lives into me like Craig, and i am so thankful for each one of them, but he was the first one to come along side me in my walk with God and that is something special!
He is why i want to be a youth pastor today. (aside from the whole God calling me to youth ministry thing :P) He was an incredible youth pastor and big brother figure in my life my first year or two of being a Christian, he always believed in me, and i want to do that in the lives of youth the way he did in the life of mine. i am so thankful that he was a part of my life, and i am so thankful that God has reconnected us.
He is an amazing man of God with many gifts and talents, he is an incredible family man, with a beautiful wife and 4 amazing children (3 i have met, one i look forward to meeting!) he is amazing at his job and has one of the most incredible voices i have ever heard... i still remember kerrin gration and i joking that we loved his voice so much we would buy his cd even if he sang about cows! hahaha.
He is just an amazing man of God and i am so blessed to have had him in my life!
Craig:thank you so much! i pray God blesses you beyond what you could hope for or imagine, and know this, you made a difference in this girls life! i would not be here today without you in my life that first stage of my walk with God. i love you brother!

www.projectrescue.com

check out this amazing site on sex trafficking they are doing incredible things in Nepal and India! but need your prayer and support!

www.projectrescue.com

i dont know about you, but this is a passion burning up my heart, consuming all i am, and i have no idea what i can do right now but pray and spread the word...

i encourage you, it doesnt take long, just go check it out... read around, its incredible what the victims go through, but what is being done about it is encouraging, but more needs to be done. i am behind this fight 100% until sex trafficking is no longer an issue!

join me in praying for sex trafficking to become a thing of the past and never an issue again!

micah 6:8

Micah 6:8 "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

This verse is really speaking to me. especially the "act justly" part. there is a HUGE injustice in our world right now that God has put on my heart and its breaking my heart. if you read my blog i have talked about it before. sex trafficking. this time im not gonna post a bunch of statistics (if you want some scroll down to my previous post on sex trafficking) but more so just try to express how i feel with words.

it breaks my heart, not just breaks it, but shatters it, and i feel at such a loss cause i dont know what to do, i feel God has called me to pray and inform people, but that doesnt feel like enough (as important as i know both things are) i feel He is calling me to more, to be more involved, i just dont know how that will look yet.

im reading this book called "sex trafficking inside the business of modern slavery" by Siddharth Kara, im on page 22 and still in chapter one and its such a hard read. its so heart breaking. but the way i look at it is, as much as my heart breaks i cant imagine how broken those women and girls in those situations are.

my prayer is that you would ask God to give you a passion for an injustice, that he would break your heart for what breaks His, it doesn't have to necessarily be sex trafficking, but i feel God has an injustice to place on all of our hearts because the world is full of injustice and God desires to see justice, and He uses us for all else, so why should the injustices of the world be any different?

so step back, take a break from what your doing and ask God to break your heart for something that breaks His, weather its sex trafficking, homelessness, starvation, lack of water in 3rd world countries, or anything, i just encourage you and pray you would get passionate about something! (if you already are, kudos to you!)
keep on truckin my dear friends!

random updates...

so i now have a laptop!! woot! woot! no wireless at home, but at school i got interent! so this probably will mean i will blog more often!! for those of you that still follow...here is where you insert a "yay!" hehehehe.

oh, and i gots me a job!! woot woot! oh, and i got approved for student loans (finally!) lol.... so life is even going well financially, i plan to keep my spending to a minimum and save my money to pay off my student loans asap!!! woooootah!

and the job is at Please Mum in Guildford mall (about 5min bus ride from my house and about 20 from school) im pretty stoked! oh, and i get 50% off regular priced items...so if you have a child :P hehehehe.

i have been sick this past week with the flu... but am getting better, slowly... taking lots of medication and vitamins and getting lots of sleep! but feel free to pray for continued healing for me :D thanks!

well im off to finish my book report (being sick i have gotten behind in school work, but all is good!) ttyl!

so in awe

so today after school i went home and collapsed on my bed and bawled my eyes out...for a good 2omins or so...stuck on some worship music, and then texted a good friend for some prayer.

i started journaling and as soon as i wrote "i feel like im carrying the weight of the world and im all alone" God gave me two verses:

Matthew 11:29-30 which in verse 30 says "for my yoke is easy and my burden is light"

Hebrews 13:5 "never will i leave you, never will i forsake you"

and it wasnt like i wrote that in my journal and then waited on God for hours, before i had even finished writing my thought God gave me the verses! He's so awesome :D

my good friend texted me back and told me to breath and encouraged me to sit quietly for a few mins so i did (at this time i still had a worship cd on) i felt God say "turn to the radio, its your favorite song" so i did, and it was!!! it was Grace Like Rain!!! its one of my ultimate favorites!! God is so good!!

I'm so thankful that in my lowest moments, my greatest times of stress and sadness, God is there! tonight, He showed Himself in a very clear, and powerful way!! Thank you Jesus!!!

she never chose this

this is a song i wrote recently about sex-trafficking...i have no chords yet, somewhat of a melody forming, and i got the lyrics; here they are:

verse 1
she sits alone in the corner, quiet and ashamed
head hung low, allowing herself to be blamed
she cried so much the tears no longer come
she feels worthless, less than scum
wont someone save her from this misery?

chorus
call forth a generation to stand in the gap
allow something within us to snap
rise up an anger in us
of righteousness and justice
rise up a generation
of mighty warriors to go and fight this battle

verse 2
she's broken, battered and bruised
she feels left out, abandoned, and used
she cries out in the middle of the night
all she does is pray for daylight
wont someone save her from this misery?

bridge
with each man goes a piece of her
with each man her self-esteem deters
with each man she feels worthless
you can try and blame her, but she never chose this

my heart is broken.

so, for english we have 2 essays we have to write and we get to pick the topic, rob suggested we pick something we are passionate about (fyi, these essays arnt due till late oct and early dec....and im starting research now! wow. thats growth :P plus, im just really excited to write them cause i get to pick the topic!)

i started looking up sex-trafficking. my heart is broken. here. i will share some statistics with you, i highly recommend you dont just read over these and move on with you day, really think. pray. ask God what YOU can do. for me right now, i feel my job is to pray and make ppl more aware. it doesnt seem like im making that big of a difference from the human aspect of things, but i know how powerful prayer can be!
another thing. make it personal. imagine its your child, your sibling, your parent. what would you do if these statistics included a loved one?

my first focus was India/Nepal, so thats where most of the information i have at the moment is from.

every year 5000-7000 Nepali woman are trafficked for sex work, over 200,000 Nepali woman are currently working the sex industry...200,000! and thats JUST Nepali woman!!!

Girls are most often trafficked into India because prostitution there is legal, it is illegal in Nepal.

up to 20,000 Nepalese girls are trafficked into India every year.

3 million (!!!!!) women in India fall prey to trafficking annually and 40% (!!!!) are minors.

thats just a few...as i discover more i will share :D
keep praying!!
all these statistics are from internet sources.....
(http://stanford.edu)
(www.unicef.org)
(www.merinews.com)

WEEK 1 (of school, that is :P)

FRIGGIN AMAZING!!!! OHMYGOSH!!!

that really. sums it up. hehehehe. but, i will go into more detail for yah!

school, school, is incredible! my classes so far are amazing and i am learning so much, rob buzza has even made me desire to do english! (before his class i did nothing but complain, and rob helped change my attitude by what he said in our first class!) i had spiritual formation and a guest speaker came in and recited the whole book of philippians...FROM MEMORY!! he only messed up once....thats pretty incredible! he challenged us to memorize more scripture in case we are ever in a situation where we dont have access to a bible for whatever reason. philosophy of youth ministry...hahah the teacher, terry janzen is fantastic!! so halrious. but knows what he's talking about!
and yah, thru homework and reading i have had to do this first week i have learned so much im afraid my head might explode! lol.

i am making some awesome new friends, i even became friends with this girl (well lady, shes 27 years old, married and has 3 kids) who lives a few blocks away from me so she will give me a ride to and from school on tues and weds so i dont have to walk 20mins and bus for 10mins! thank you Jesus...and already, she called me up this morning to see if i wanted to go to the library with her...i sense a good friendship coming my way :D and yah, making new friends is one of my favorite things to do! so its been good, cause i have been able to do lots of that :D oh! and i also made a new friend on the bus, her name is Demitra! so pray for more opportunites for me to bring up Jesus in convo (not that its very hard considering im going to bible college and Jesus is my life, but yah, just pray for her :D thanks!)

oh, and the best part. i have felt God's presence 24/7...and our relationship is going to new and deeper levels, i freakin love it! I dont think i have ever been more in love with Jesus than i am at this moment!

well, i feel this is long enough for now...im off to dye my hair since the purple has faded to this nasty color! bahahah...anyways, if you got any questions or wanna hear more just send me a facebook msg...i have tons of great stories :D

Your are good...all the time...and all the time...you are good!

So, here i am. in surrey. wow. still hard to believe im here :D its been a rocky couple days, but through it all God has been with me!

so to start, my first day was really rough, i got super homesick, then ended up watching 12 hours of criminal minds with the family i live with lol (nothing like 12 hours of creepy killers and gruesome murders to bond ppl :P bahahahah) but yah, the family i live with is fantastic!!!!
the next couple days after that i just relaxed, went through waves of homesickness and being ok...

yesterday was registration for school...which was crazy and stressful, i mean, for example my textbooks alone cost me $600...ouch! that one hurt a little! but yah, i got to meet some new ppl and hang out with some of the guys in my same course (as far as i know, my first year class is 4 guys and myself, but Clint said there should be more ppl...so we shall see!)

and so yesterday once i came home i was really not doing so well...luckily i have a few friends from powell river that have moved here recently and so last night i ended up hanging out with an old friend mike. Back when i first became a Christian we met that way and then realized we had lived across the street from each other for a year or two so we ended up hanging out after school lots, for awhile there i think i spent more time at his house than my own lol!

anyways, it was nice to just chill out with someone i was 100% comfortable with! and it gets better :D He hasnt been doing so well with his walk with God and neither are his other Christian friends so im really excited to just be there for him, willing to talk about God...actually, more like i cant help but talk about God since He is such a huge part of my life!!

and yah, then today i woke up really homesick and i knew steve is on the mainland and i texted him and we are gonna hang out today :D
i love how at my lowest moments God has not only comforted me himself, but sent people for me! I am not alone!!!
i am so in love with my heavenly Daddy! He's the best :D :D :D

and BAM! it hits me

ever have those moments, where something is about to change and it kinda randomly just hits you?
ok, so, that might not make sense, i dont know how to word what im trying to say in a creative and catchy way, so i will just come out and say it!

today, i got an email from Clint at Pacific Life Bible College, giving me my new school email address, and BAM! it hit me. im going to school. in a month. holy moly!! i mean, in the back of my mind i always know im going, but its little things like that that make me stop and be like "wait, FRICK YAH IM GOIN TO BIBLE COLLEGE!!!!" teehee....so needless to say, i got a little excited, i AM a little excited, ok, i AM ALOT LOT LOT EXCITED!!! :D :D :D

3 weeks AHHHHHHH!!!

OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH!
i leave in 3 weeks....i have never been so excited and so freaked outta my mind before! well maybe i have, but not lately. this is definately going to be stretching...and im very excited!! oh, for those of you that may not know, im moving to Surrey to go to Pacific Life Bible College for 4 years to get my B.A. in Pastoral Leadership with a major in Youth Ministry.
just a little update, i have pretty much no money to go, am working on filling out student loans, i do have an amazing family i am moving in with, havent met them yet, but they are Delblanc twins approved so im all in :D :D :D and yah, im very excited to go and cant wait to learn and just grow deeper in my relationship with God and learn more, but im also extremly extremly sad to be leaving the island! i love this place, i love my church, i love my youth (courtenay and campbell river) i love my friends....i really really dont want to leave!! but, God willing, (in the words of my dear friend arnold) i'll be back!!

...

saying goodbye.
is gonna be hard.
letting go.
is gonna be harder.
getting over you.
is gonna be hardest.

in time, i will be ok.
but for now, i will let the tears come.

COASTLANDS KIDS CAMP!!

so, camp, as you have probably already heard was amazing!! kids accepting Jesus for the first time, rededicating their lives, being filled with the Holy Spirit, prophecy, visions, testimonies, praying for each other...ahhh! it was phenominal :D :D :D ok, so now to get to the part about me...well God and me :P

God stretched me and used me in ways i have never been used before....i led someone to the Lord for the first time ever!! what an incredible honor! i also prayed for 2 people to be filled with the Holy Spirit and one even started speaking in tongue (i had never done that before either!!) God stretched me even in just praying outloud in front of people....i hardly ever do it, and really, only when forced to...but each night i was bold and chose to pray for my girls before they went to sleep...it was scary...but good! i love being stretched!!
i also realized today, that camp brought me closer to God...which is crazy, cause thats most of the kids testimonies, but it just goes to show God works in you even when your serving!!! it was amazing! definetly the highlight of my summer :D :D :D
cant wait for camp next year!!!!!

Prayer: its not optional. its mandatory.

God has called me to intercession. He has called you to intercession.
The enemy. well. he doesnt like that too much. I have been praying and interceding for Steve while he is away in India. satan doesnt like that. he has been trying to trip me up for a couple weeks. its been a rough couple weeks. but not enough to break me because "greater is He who is in me, than he who is in the world" [john 4:4]. the enemy has tried to cause me to focus on myself. on stupid things. because once we focus inwards, we lose focus of the needs outwards. the needs we need to pray for.
so i encourage you right now, if you feel called to something (intercession, missions, outreach ect) the enemy is going to try to trip you up, get you to focus on yourself, but you need to push through, push harder. when satan pushes you, push back. with the power of God.
when you have issues arise, instead of focusing on them, turn your focus outwards even more-so. and its hard. as humans, we seem to enjoy wallowing in our misery. but God has called us to more. they are people in worse situations than us that need our prayers, that need to see God move in their lives, and the only way that happens is through us praying.
Our prayers move the hands of God.
Prayer: its not optional. its mandatory.

what? me? huh? oh right :P

haha. this is just a funny little peak inside my brain....

so, i am a leader. but, it most definitely catches me off guard like all the time when referred to as a leader!

example 1: up at CR Thrive, Ryan had decided that we should go hang out at the beach but wanted youth to phone their parents so they knew where they were, and then ryan hands his phone to some of the girls and says "call you parents, and if they want to talk to a leader, hand the phone to Breanne" first thought in my brain "wait, why me??.....oh....yah.....im a leader!"

example 2: this past weekend in Gold River, the youth were told by randy that they have to either tell himself, me, becka or daniel where they are going...yet again my first thought was why me? and then, it always clicks...right....that leader thing....i am one.....bahahahahah! so yah. i found it kinda humorous, thought you might enjoy it! love ya friends :D

challenge.

This morning on my way to work my thoughts were kinda random and all over the place and i started thinking about how when you like someone, like really like them, nothing else seems to matter. i have numerous times stayed up waaaaaaay to late, (even when working the next day) just to spend more time with that certain guy. I'm sure if your honest, we have all done it.

and then God poses this question: when have you done that for me?

ouch. that one hurt a little, not in a condemning way, but more of a challenge. here i am ready to spend all hours of the night not sleeping to hang out with that certain guy, but when it comes to God, i have more often then not, chosen sleep.

why would i do that? here is the freakin creator of the universe, the almighty, amazing, forgiving, LOVING God, and all He wants to do is spend time with me....yet i decide to go to bed early, or sleep in longer. huh.

God is really challenging me on this one, and i think if you let it, it will challenge you as well, because, well, im sure im not alone here!

*disclaimer* i am not saying you should stay up all hours of the night and ditch sleep, sleep is very important, and yes God does speak thru dreams, but im just saying, maybe, just maybe, dont hit that snooze button, and chill with your loving Daddy for a bit, cause He's waiting!!!

ha.....ha....ha...ha

ok, so at work, i am known as the clumsy and messy one...and here is a great reason of why:
this is how my work day went, by noon, i had slipped on the wet floor, not once, not twice, but yes! THREE TIMES!! then i went to put a cake down on the counter and smashed my finger between the cake (in a metal cake pan, ouch!) and the counter.....then! oh yes, there is more :P i hit my back and the top freezer door thingy, get a huge red mark...and that was all in the first 2 hours of work!!! then, near the end of my shift i burn myself, not just once, but twice, and the second time it blistered and really freakin hurts!!! like my goodness, is it really physically possible to be this clumsy?? i guess so eh? hahaha. well thought you might enjoy the laugh! thats all for now!!

<3 <3 <3

I love how God works....first He calls me to pray, then as i do that He shows me the power of prayer, and after that He calls me to pray more and more. It's gotten past the "oh i should pray cause i feel like it or cause i know i should" stage to the I'm so burdened to pray that all i can do is pray, thats all that makes it go away, i feel this heavy weight, and i know its God, i know its Him telling me to pray, Him using me, and you know why? because i asked Him too. I feel honored and humbled, that God would use me to do such powerful work for Him, only prayer can move His hands, and as His daughter, His princess, His prayer warrior, i can do that! and you know what? so can you!

your love.

Your Love

you deserve more than my broken heart
you deserve more than my shattered soul
but yet, you take me just as i am
what kind of love does that?
your love.
i've searched high and low for fulfillment
bur around every corner is the one
who breaks my heart
shatters my soul
yet, here you are, ready to take me
as is.
broken. shattered.
what kind of love does that?
your love.
what kind of love heals that?
your love.

a few quick things before i head to bed:
this morning i woke up to $1200 in my bank and was like what the heck! did work accidently pay me twice?? well it turns out i got my paycheck but i also got my tax return which was WAY more than i thought and so guess what i did?? paid off my credit card that has been maxed out for about a year!!! wooot!!! huge weight lifted off my shoulders! and i still have enough left to do some much needed summer clothes shopping!! Praise Jesus, this is definatly favor!!!

oh, and plus, im seeing so much favor at work in my relationships, especially with the once hard to deal with boss that i have blogged about before, seriously, i miss her when shes not at work!! and thats CRAZY TALK!! hahah, but praying for her has allowed my heart and attitude towards her to change and she really is an awesome person beneath the "your not fast enough, good enough ect" outside shell she has!

i love my campbell river youth, dont get me wrong courtenay youth, i love you as well! but i just love to love on kids that dont have the love of Jesus in their life, its truly an honor and a blessing to be the one to show them how Jesus lovin ppl roll!! :P

i had something else, but its late, and i forget lol...so for now nighty night night!! :D

i feel like im repeating myself....

ok, so yet again, i started off my day at work praying for my boss(es) the buisness, ect...and yet again i had a fantastic day! the usually hard to deal with boss is still being nice, and not in a fake way she sometimes gets! its soooo mind boggling!!! and yet again (like with the dilly bars) she put me on a job that we needed ASAP!! we were completly out of waffle bowls and cones so she picked me to do them over everyone!! not to say im better than them, but the verse about working with all your heart as for the Lord and not for men has been running through my head alot lately, and its what im doing and seems to be working!!!
so Praise Jesus for a great day!! and Praise Jesus for the sunshine!! and Praise Jesus in everything, the good, and most definatly the bad!!!

oh, random note, for my birthday (well its not yet, got the present early :P) my mom made me a scrapbook of pics of me growing up!! its amazing!!! and oh my gosh was i stinkin cute!! no joke, i want kids as cute as i was :P hahahahah.

God is sooooooo good!!! :D

So, for starters, the boss i blogged about before that i have been praying for, is still being super nice, and praying for her has definately changed my heart and attitude towards her which has been amazing, she has even been calling me darling and stuff!! its nuts the power of prayer and how it can not only allow God to change their heart towards you, but more importantly change you heart towards the person/ppl you pray for!!

Secondly, i have somewhere to live in the fall when i go to PLBC!! Im going to live with Matthew and Ryan's "second" family, i talked to Laural (the mom) on the phone the other night and we got everything sorted except a few small details, and yah, im set!! and its gonna be amazing!!!

Thirdly, I WANT TO GO TO INDIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!
i want to love on the children, God has put a special place in my heart for orphans, i just want to be with them, hold them, love on them!! but, i know there is a reason im not able to go yet, i know i need to be ready, i realize its going to be hard, and i need to be fully prepared. and so far, i am not...im hoping maybe (God willing) i might go one of my summers between PLBC semesters becuase i really dont want to wait 4 years to go, but if thats when God wants me to go i will wait. But He most definately has my YES!!!

GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME AND ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD!!!!!

loves lessons from God....latest one: power of prayer!

oh my, oh my, oh my!! is God ever trying to teach me the power of prayer! wowzers!!

so one of my bosses, is like the "boss" boss, quite the perfectionist, very straightforwarding, not very encouraging and doesnt have the best bed-side manner, therefore making her very hard to get along with at times, and very hard to handle.
Most of the staff complain about it to each other (which i am most certainly guilty of!) but recently i had been feeling that i should pray for her instead, and wow! what a difference!! seriously, it was nuts! today, she told another employee (while i was in earshot) that she got me to do the dilly bars becuase we were really low and she knew i was fast!! that is the closest thing to a compliment i have EVER heard come out of her mouth regarding anyone!! i was blown away, and it just goes to show what God will do when instead of complaining about a person, you suck it up and pray for them!

so i encourage you, if you have someone in your life like that, who you struggle to get along with, or have troubles handling, pray for them, and not prayers like "God i pray you would make them nicer ect" (lol :P) but pray blessings over them and see what happens! i can guarentee if you pray you will see results!! cause that my friends, is the power of God!!!

they're getting it...they're really getting it!!

I AM SOOOOO PUMPED!!! AHHHHHHH <3 <3 <3

I am so blessed and honored to be one of the Jesus-like influences in these amazing kids lives, who am i talking about specifically? Our Campbell River youth, well, no correction. God's Campbell River youth, His precious beautiful amazingly talented children, that i get the joy of being with at least once a week!!

ahhh, how i love those kids, every single one of them has talents, gifts and amazing hearts! and as much as it seems like sometimes they arent listening on a thursday night as ryan speaks or just in everyday conversation, they are!!

One of our youth told ryan that He was God's masterpiece (which is something we say to them)!! and another asked if she could sing a song she found that talked about God for youth, so not only is she just listening to music, but she's listening for God!

This last thursday was amazing! we talked about the power of our words and how they can bring life or death then split up and we took the girls and ended up talking for 30mins, we talked about the damage of gossip and mean words in our lives and lives of others and how we need to be ones that encourage and not tear down!! it was truly amazing!

and now im sooooo pumped!! im doing a girls sleepover with these amazing ladies in 3 weeks!! on my 21st birthday :D im gonna be rockin it in style with some of my fav girls in the whole wide world! oh how i love them :D :D :D

well silence just doesnt suit me now does it?

so, its been just over a week since i decided to stop blogging and realize i have WAY to much to say, and awesome testimonies of God, and well, here is a great place to talk about it!!

i have recently been blown away by the power of prayer, i always have heard it is powerful, but never experinced it like this, this was definately God showing me His power through my prayer and intercession.

a few weeks ago Sandra Naswell came and asked if anyone wanted to start interceeding for youth worship/message, so last week Chels Miller, Sandra and myself interceeding, and it was amazing, you could sense a difference. Last night, i was not feeling well, had no energy but there was nobody interceeding so i decided someone probably should, so i went to work!

at some point during worship i got really exhuasted and literally 5 seconds after sitting down and resting for a minute chaos broke out on the stage!! so i jumped back up and continued to pray, and things settled down and got back under control.

im just one person, praying for one thing, and that was the power of it. All i did was sit down for 5 seconds and that was enough, all i did was start to pray, and that was enough.
i am seriously mind boggled beyond all belief at the moment...i just cant process the fact that one person praying can do so much! God is definately teaching me the power of my prayers and intercession!

my apologizes....

ok, so i have fallen into the bloggers writing block/too busy category....i rarely blog, and im sorry, and i just want to let all my faithful readers out there, that this is goodbye, possibly just for now...i just never seem to have time to blog or the desire, but understand, i still love you!!! and if i start blogging again you will be the first to know!!!
farewell friends and readers...love you all!

day 4 & 5

day 4 nad 5 were fairly mellow, cheyenne had school so that meant early mornings *ugh* i had already realized with going to school in the fall that i cant have kids anytime soon (plus the no husband thing doesnt help that out either :P ahahahah) but now, i dont want kids anytime soon!! man, i have been going to bed by 10pm at the LATEST so i get enough sleep to be able to get up by 7am and function, well somewhat function thru the day...last night i actually put my book down and fell asleep at 930pmO i can not remember the last time i went to bed that early!!!

lukas and i have spent the days just chillen, watching movies, playing, going to the beach and crab hunting, and then last night after dinner we made a roadtrip to Duncan to hit up walmart and get some groceries...we hung out in the toy dept for awhile and then grabbed the groceries and headed home!!

im super stoked that it has been soooo freakin sunny!!! its been fantastic! sooooo stoked for summer!!

day 3

ROAD TRIP!!!
the kids and i chilled at home for the morning, talked to my sis on the phone, watched open season, made lunch then we headed to Nanaimo and met up with Jon, played at the park at the harbour for hours!! most of it, on this one circle chair thingy you sat in and spun, it was tons of fun, Lukas the 3 year old was getting so dizzy but didnt want to stop it was nuts!!!! and then we got some healthy *cough* *cough* dinner at mcdonalds!!! yay for mcdonalds!! NOT! hhahaha, i dont know about you but i always always always feel like crap after eating there...ekk! but i still seem to do it occassional! then got home gave the kids baths, watched spongebob squarepants, cleaned up the kitchen and put them to bed *sigh* bedtime is a glorious thing by the end of the day! i have been going to bed myself at like 10pm!! its been nuts (i ususally go to bed no earlier than 11...usually somewhere btwn 11-1am so 10 is early!) but having kids sure wipes ya out!! well im off to watch some tv, maybe read my book...and best of all catch some Zzzzzz's!
night!

day 2

so this was my first full day,went fairly smoothly...have a few more lessons learned :P

lesson 3: wear warmer clothes to the park
>>> i stayed warm while running around with the kids but then some other kids came and i was left sitting on the bench, and it got very cold fast!
lesson 4: no need for workouts
>>> crofton is sooo full of hills that i literally walked uphill both ways!! while pulling a wagon!

playing "mommy" pt.1

Day One!

so today is my first day in Crofton (past nanaimo btwn ladysmith and duncan) im here taking care of my niece Cheyenne (7) and my nephew Lukas (3) my sis, bro in law and mom went to the mayan rivera for a week and will be back next sunday...so until then, im mommy!!! hahaha.

i didnt get here till about 1pm today so it was really only a half day, but a half day filled with fun times and lessons learned!!

lesson one: i think im here to be "mommy" really im here to be the pack horse
>>> the kids and i went to the beach, Cheyenne road her bike and Lukas his scooter, which meant when it was time to go home, i was left to carry a scooter and push a bike all the way home!!
lesson two: dont wear a white skirt to the beach
>>> i had no trouble keeping it clean, but a certain little boy needed help off a rock, shoe made contact with my skirt, white skirt now very dirty!!

so those are the lessons learned so far...and im sure there will be MANY more!!! the kids go to bed about 7pm so that gives me quite a bit of free time, this will be weird for me to have so much free time, which also means more time to blog!!! keep checkin back to keep up with my adventures!!

growing----goodbye

i tried to do things your way

to conform to your ways

but ended up more hurt

as much as this sucks

your ways are not my ways

His ways, are my ways

and i need to remember that

this is gonna be harder than i thought

im not sure if im strong enough to be your friend

i dont think our paths can flow side by side

i find myself getting pulled to your path, like gravity

and i cant resist, and so im afraid i need to avoid your path

for now, maybe one day i will be strong enough

but for now, this is goodbye.

growing

i feel like i've outgrown you,

that you have outgrown me

no, its more like we have grown,

in different directions

our friendship that was once so simple, so easy, and had us so close

is now nothing

your still my friend, but at the same time, not in the way you used to be

i used to tell you everything, being around you was easy

now, i feel like i dont know how to tell you anything, and being around you takes effort

your going down one path,

me down another

and they dont seem to cross,

im not even sure how well they flow side by side

oh well, such is life

you were a great friend, and will always be my friend,

just never in the same way again.

thursdays

i have a new fav day of the week....THURSDAYS!!! ahhh man, its soo amazing to see the power of God and His moving in the youth in Campbell River!! Last Thursday we didn't have any salvations, but we did sing a song for the first time!! HAPPY DAY!!! it was tons of fun, ryan rocked out on the guitar and singing and those that knew the words sang along and everyone, i mean everyone did the actions!! their responses have been so encouraging!! seriously, nothing is more exciting then seeing these youth saved and all hyped up for Jesus!! WORLD, WATCH OUT CAMPBELL RIVER IS COMING FOR YAH!!!! :D :D :D
words cannot describe how i feel right now, im just so pumped for what God is doing and gonna do, nothing is more exciting then seeing youth (well ppl in general!) come to know Jesus personally, to accept Him as Lord and Savior and take that message to others and live out the life He has for them!! ahhhh sooo excited!
oh, and happy easter :D :D :D
because really, none of this would be possible without today....Thank you for the Cross Lord!

join in the celebration....again!!!

haha, so i was right!!! another youth got saved this week at Campbell River Thrive!!! yay Jesus!

join in the celebration...salvation is here!!! :D

tonight at Thrive Campbell River we saw a salvation!!!! yay Jesus! and yay Angela for giving her heart and life to Jesus!! well im trying to get over a cold so sleep is good...just wanted to share the awesomeness of Jesus, and the start of more to come!!! and get ready, im thinkin next week i will be bloggin about more salvations....woot! yay Jesus! lets see this island all for Jesus :D :D :D

blog name change

well, depending how long you have known me, you may or may not know that i love change!! not always, but most definatly when im in control of it :P i used to change my hair color frequently, i like to move bedroom furniture around, i just get bored of things always being the same, hence the blog name change, i am still working towards more of God and less of me, but to do that, i need to be hungry for more of God (and not a "im hungry lets eat food hungry :P)
Our church has been focusing on a hunger for God lately, and im on board!!!
in this last week (at youth church then at our young adults night) i have heard Matthew preach 2 amazing sermons on Hunger, and you would think they would be quite similar (he warned us that they were) but they were actually quite different! (in a good way :D)

Here are some key points to my "Hungry"

>>>what are you hungry for??

>>>if your not hungry, what are you full of??

>>>hunger for Jesus, He is the only one that can fill us with everlasting "food"all else goes bad

random note, i have been looking at the word hungry for so long and written it so much its done that thing where it looks weird and like im spelling it wrong of something! bahahaha!

anyways, im off to bed now!! nighty night night :D

me...wrapped in a fabulous blanket :D

i have been blessed with one of the greatest gifts ever!!! this amazing blanket was handmade by the lovely Tarina, who if you dont know attends our Gold River campus, i love her to death and am truly blessed by this blanket!!!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU :D :D :D

PLBC

i just got back from my campus visit at PLBC in Surrey!! it was fantastic!!! i absolutly love it!! the students are amazing, the teachers are incredible and yah, all in all, its just a fantastic school!! haha, i sat in on a class today and the teacher was in sweatpants, so very casual and laidback which is always nice!! i talked to Clint Nelson (he's the director of the YMI youth ministry program) and it was great! i walked away from our talk not only pumped for the fall and more excited than ever, but a little more prepared, he went over the classes with me and also gave me some great hook ups for scholarships!!! so yes, this is answered prayer to my last blog post!! yay God!!! plus, not that i really feel God had to convince me anymore, but i am without a doubt going to PLBC in the fall!!! oh yah, and yesterday i got an email telling me i was accepted!! so its offical!!! :D :D :D
God is good!!!

but ya gotta have faith, faith faith

so i have heard many times, "if you ask God for strength, He will give you an opportunity to be strong..." (and not just 'bam' now your strong) ect, ect.
anyways, so i was just laying in bed and thinking about bible school in the fall, thinking how the heck am i gonna get the money? which led to thinking about how i need to have faith, and then i thought to myself, have a prayed for more faith lately? and i realized, why yes! i have! and so, this is a way God is building up my faith, cause i know that He can provide, and that He will provide as i step into His will, but there is still a hint of disbelief there, even though i know there shouldnt be, and i know as i do my part God will do His.
thats where i am at.
so keep me in your prayers!!

cause you mean more to me than any earthly thing....

so lately i have been playing my guitar more, i still can really only play G,C,D,Em tho, which is ok, cuz many worship songs only use those 4 chords lol! anyways, so i have about 3 songs set aside with those cords that i can play and one is Lord Reign in Me, and it was stuck in my head to day at work as i was off in the corner by myself making dilly bars (sometimes it kills me to be so anti-social, other times its great to chat with God!) anyways so im singing the words (in my head, and occasionally outloud :P) and this line comes up "cause you mean more to me, than any earthly thing" and i stop, it just hits me like a brick in my stomach, i have been singing this song for days, but all of a sudden that line just hit me, it impacted me like i imagined a semi would. that line just stuck with me, bounced around my head. "cause you mean more to me than any earthly thing" its a powerful line, and its made me question, is it true in my life, i love God, dont get me wrong, but does He really mean more to me than any earthly thing? i know the answer should be yes, im just unsure of if it is, but thats ok, cuz i know if it isnt, thats something God and i will work through and it will be yes. what about you? does God mean more to you than any earthly thing? would you sacrifice your own son or daughter if God asked you to? cause i dont think there is a single person in the world who could mean more to you than your own child.
"cause you mean more to me than any earthly thing"
hmm. let it sit with you, take a moment. ponder it in your own mind and spirit.

i turn to Him (my strength)

when i walk through hard times
when im at battle day after day
when i've lost the strength to carry on
i turn to Him

He alone is my strength
He alone is my desire
He is all i need, all i need
i turn to Him alone
He is my strength

when i walk through times of need
when i find myself in the desert
when i'm broken and shattered
i turn to Him

He alone is my strength
He alone is my desire
He is all i need, all i need
i turn to Him alone
He is my strength

when i walk through times of joy
when i find myself victorious
when everything is perfect
i turn to Him

You are my hope, my desire, my strength
You are my light, my power, my strength

C.R. bound!

so im headed up to campbell river for the day!!! soooo stoked!! im meeting up with kara-lee just after 2 so i think i will spend my morning helping ryan if he needs it, or wandering around campbell river!! and then im very very excited to hang out with K-L, man, havent seen that girl in forever!!! and then there is youth tonight up there! woot woot! i love those kids, they are completly off the wall, but completly amazing!! so yah, im very excited!!

such a night owl....

so here it is, 1235pm and i just finished my application for PLBC in Surrey (woot! woot! soooo freakin stoked!!!), am now blogging, and after this gonna go do my devos and chill with God for a bit, its crazy!! the earliest i ever work is 10am (tmr not till 4pm) so i find myself in this strange cycle of sleep (well i guess its not really for most people my age) but i stay up till usually anywhere btwn 11-1am, usually closer to 1am, and strangely enough, its when im most productive!! crazy to think eh? i have been working on setting time aside each and everyday to spend with God and so i tried mornings, they just dont work for me, i just dont function, plus that snooze button wins most of the time! but you know what i have found? that right before bed is a good time for me, and i have discovered, that it doesnt matter what time it is when i go to sleep, if i have spent the last bit of it with Jesus, my next day goes amazingly well! for example, last night i did my devotions at 1230am, got up at 9am (which is enough sleep) and felt amazing all day!! and not just a "oh its sunny life is good" kinda day, very much a "i love Jesus, and this is the day He has made and i will rejoice in it" kind of day!!

Gen Unleashed

so, it was amazing! obviously, when you go to a conference with 3000-4000 other passionate youth, amazing friends and leaders, amazing worship, great speakers, and the most influencial person>>>Jesus, of course its going to be a great time!! here is some highlights of the weekend for me.
-->van time and chill time, it was great getting to know these amazing young men and women of God more!! it was so awesome getting to stay in the same house as all the girls and get to know each of them more than i had before the trip, i seriously, love you all!!! and on sale ice that really isnt on sale...hhahaha c'mon! people die everyday!
--> the first night of worship i struggled through, but kept pressing in, and after the sermon there was an alter call, and i didnt go up to the front but i did start bawling my eyes out in my seat, kels came over and prayed for me, and i cried, and cried, and cried, and then boom! i was done crying, God set me free from stuff i didnt even know was holding me captive!! it was awesome! Thank-you Lord!
-->altho Portland Bible College is AMAZING!! just being there made it all more clear to me im supposed to go to Pacific Life in Surrey, its an amazing church, but i just know!
-->learning to rely on His strength more, and not as much of mine, "more of you, less of me" i can see why i felt i was supposed to title my blog that!
-->i have been freakin out now that im actually applying to bible college, thoughts constantly run through my head "i cant do this" "i cant be a youth pastor" "im not good at talking in front of lots of people" and you know what i realized? thats completly ok! cause it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with allowing God to speak through me, i never want to get up and preach, i want to get up and let God speak to His children through me!

well, im off to FOURTH!! its our first young adults service!! and im all napped up and very very excited!!!

and the winner is.....

PLBC in Surrey!!! woot woot!

so i have been thinking and praying about this for awhile (not just since my last blog post lol) and i feel way more at peace about PLBC!!!! I'm soooo excited i can seriously, barely contain it!!! i want to like scream at the top of my lungs, i want to jump around like a crazy lunatic....ahhhhh! im just sooooo freakin stoked!!!

im printing off the application today and hopefully getting started on it today, or else it will have to wait for next week since im going to Generation Unleashed in Portland this weekend...which i am also stoked about!!!!

oh yes! what im applying for! a BA in Pastoral Leadership with a major in Youth Ministry!!
its four years!! crazy!! haha, and i have always wanted to be married and start having kids by the time im 25, but i will just be grading, but ya know what?? i am 100% ok about that, im gonna lay that down!!! cuz im just doing what God asks of me!! and this is something He has had on my heart for a long time!

the next step.....

so dairy queen is not what God has planned for my life, lol.

He has clearly told me, not once, but twice that He has called me to be a youth pastor, so i have decided to go to school in the fall, and what better thing to go for than that which God has called me? for awhile i was thinking of going to NIC to get my early childhood care and education, but really feel that bible college is where God is calling me next, i have been getting this itch to move forward for a couple months now, not move away, or escape, but a step forward.
so, at the moment, i have 2 options in front of me, PLBC in Surrey, or else PBC in Portland.

so looks like i will be spending some extra time in prayer and convo with God, so please pray for me, pray that God would speak clearly and i would know without a doubt which way to step, cause i dont want to step the wrong way!

thanks!

tests.

i was recently reminded by God of something someone once said to me (wish i could remember who it was :P)
When you get a "test" from God, there is no way you can fail, you can either pass, or as in my case most of the time, be unsucessful, and then He gives you the test again!!

so if you get a test from God, and dont overcome the obstacle, dont worry,
"therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1)
ask God's forgiveness, forgive yourself and anyone else that may be involved and carry on, and someday you may find yourself in that same situation, and you have two options, pass it, or once again be unsucessful.

my thoughts though, are that you will keep getting that same test until you pass, because God wants us to be victorous and able to handle any situation (with His help and strength) that comes our way. i have this one "test" that i have failed time and time again, but i am determined to pass it this time!! so im going to work on more accountability, and not placing myself in situations where i will be unsucessful in that area.

im just thankful that i serve a God who not only loves me dearly, but desires to see me pass every test that comes my way! and altho i am human, and will fail from time to time, i plan, with His help, to do my best!!!

there are some of my thoughts, what are yours? i would love for you to leave a comment with your take on the whole idea....

My yes.

speak to me like you do a friend
tell me the desires of your heart
i long to fill them, i long to use you
so give me your yes

your yes is all that i need
to fill you with my power
one word, just one word
can make a world of difference

here i am before you God
with the desires of my heart
i lay them down at the foot of the cross
and give you my yes

my yes is all that you need
to fill me with your power
one word, just one word
can make a world of difference

i want to live a life that praises you
i want to live a life that brings you glory
i want to live a life surrendered to you
so here's my yes.

i dont know how to fully explain my love of sundays.... :D

ok, so today, was like most sundays, FANTASTIC!!! ahhh! oh the joys of sundays!! i dont know if its just starting off the best way possible with church or what, but they are always great!! so here is my day;
started off as most sundays with a good time with the fam in the kitchen, sundays are the only days we all hit there at the same time, always good for some bonding time and laughs!!
then church, spent worship holding baby Josiah, what a cutie!! even when hes crying :P helped out in sunday school with amazing kids that i love, and then after church as everyone hung out i found baby Judah and held her, man i love that little girl!! she is sooo beautiful!!
then i went for lunch at boston pizza with ben and chris, then got out of my church clothes and headed out to wolfe lake with ben, chris, and ry ry, and shot things!!! i shot my first gun :D :D :D pretty stoked about that!!! it was awesome, i want to go buy a gun now!! hahahh!
and then ben and i went to adam and janice's to celebrate the twins bday and watch the unit, which was also a good time, i mean seth is stinkin adorable, and adam and janice are totally awesome!!
so yah, all in all it was a great baby holding, gun shooting, birthday celebrating day!
oh how i love sundays :D

just a devotional thought....

so im reading through Joshua, and this is what verse jumped off the page at me;

That day the LORD exalted Joshua in the sight of all Israel; and they revered him all the days of his life, just as they had revered Moses. (Joshua 4:14)

I think its God's desire to exhalt each one of us, as leaders, for our own "Israel" weather you pastor and mentor 5000+, or 50, or maybe even just 1. I believe it is God's desire to use you, to have your "lsraelities" be revered to you, (or side note: revered means to regard with awe, respect and devotion...looked it up :P) and not because of who you are and what you can do but because of the God that dwells inside of you and what He can do through you.

i have had many days where i wonder why i should live a life fully for Jesus and not for myself, and this verse is a reminder to me, its because it has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with God, and those He desires to reach and know, and know more,
im merely a vessel for Him.

so last night, i stepped out of my comfort zone and did something i have never done before, and never thought i would do, but i did it. i went to the movies, all by myself!!! and let me tell you, it was fanatastic! i got to sit where i wanted, did not have to share my popcorn or drink, and had no one to distract me or laugh at me as i sat there bawling my eyes out!!! dont get me wrong, i love going to the movies with friends, but this was just a very cool experince that i would most definatly do again!!
oh and in case your wondering, the movie i went to see was Marley and Me, and i was expecting kinda a flaky but cute comedy, boy was i wrong!! and in a good way! it was really good, not at all what i expected, i laughed, i cried, and it was real, they did a great job of showing a more real side to life, (i will tell ya a bit about it but not too much!) it was about a newly married couple and there journey from just the two of them, to a dog (thats i quote "the worst dog ever"), to kids, and yah, i dont want to ruin it at all, but i would most definatly watch it again, so if ya need someone to watch it with call me up!! seriously, i will even go see it in theaters again, and if you dont want to go see it in theaters, wait and im gonna buy it so you can come over and we will watch it together!!!
have a great evening, or day depending when you read this!!!! :D

this is what bothers me....what bothers you?

tonight youth was amazing! daniel did an awesome job leading worship, and my lil bro even lead a song! yay matthew!!!
Jason preached an awesome message, titled "bothered" and just shot off a bunch of facts about injustice and how we need to be aweare of it, and let it bother us so that we take action. some of the facts i knew already, like the fact that there are 27 million, yes, 27....million! slaves in the world today...you may sit there and be like "what? slavery has been abolished tons of years ago" but they say there are more slaves today then there ever have been in history! ever since i first heard about the not for sale campaign it has bothered me, and for awhile i kinda got distracted my life and forgot about it for awhile, but lately i have been thinking about it more and im going to look into ways to help!! i think first i will start off by buying a shirt! yay shopping :D and yah, for more info check out their website,
www.notforsalecampaign.org
one of another thing close to my heart is abortion. one stat Jay had stood out to me, it was that there are 3700 abortions everyday in the US, and i understand that its a US stat, but we are probably about the same, if not worse. abortion not only takes the life of the child, but in most cases the mom comes out as a wreck, most fall into depression, and then effects on them, well, i cant even imagine!!
i have such a heart for children, and so the slavery (being mostly woman and children) and abortion, really bother me!! and im gonna do as Jason challenged us to, im going to set some time aside and research both a little more, and although im unsure of what my next step with either thing is, there is one thing i can always do, and thats pray.
so i challenge you, as Jason has me, to look for an injustice that bothers you, some other ideas are, lack of clean water, poverty, hunger, homelessness, find that thing that just gets you so mad and take the first step, research it, find out more, and keep it in your prayers, and i know God will provide a way for me to help, for you to help, even if its just prayer, or donating money, or going out there in the middle of the action, all we need to do is be willing and take that first step, and Gods there, right beside us, every step of the way!
so what bothers you? and what are you gonna do about it?

so proud of my lil bro :D

wow. ok, so i had lived here a few months before i first heard matt sing, and i still remember, my jaw hit the floor, and it continues to happen with all this amazing songs he is writing and putting on youtube, heres the lastest, and most definatly my favorite, its called start again, if you havent heard it yet, go check it out, and hey if you have, go listen again :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UsyzbzkYq30

my last week in a nutshell :P

this last week has been great!! good times, i love the holidays, had family here, and then went and saw my biological family for a few days, lol. it was lots of fun, we hung out, did some shopping woot woot! and played rockband with my sista!! man, she is a dork! :P ahahaha. anyways ya, and the last night i was there the power went out so my sis, mom and i sat around and played sorry and rummy, praise the Lord for power outages!! probably the most fun i had :D it was great just to spend time with them! and my niece and nephew are stinkin adorable! i love waking up to kids coming in to cuddle, as long as its not too too early :P

so today, i woke up feeling like crap, so i spent sometime with Jesus and went on with my day, i worked 130-10, and about 6 i got this killer headache, like brutal! but we had too much to do and too few ppl so i wasnt able to go home early, and i also had plans to have a sleepover with lexi but not feeling well i cancelled on her, well i texted her telling her i wasnt feeling well then went back to work and got this weird boost of energy! so i was like sweet! and finished off the night with energy (still in pain, but energy is always good :D) and then i check my phone, turns out lexi had texted me in return a prayer that God would give me energy, and thats exactly what He did! i love my heavenly Daddy, He's great :D

He continues to amaze me with all that He can, and will, and most importantly, wants to do :D
so another side note, sorry this post is all over the place...
i didnt make any new years resolutions, i mean no one keeps them anyways :P but as i was walking home after work tonight, i felt that this year is going to be a year of God's Presence. i mean, i feel it often, but i desire that 24/7 right beside me kind of presence, and so yah, heres to a year of His Presence!!! i pray it in my life and yours as well :D
goodnight friends!!!